LDGillis

is that I am not beautiful, only I think I did this to myself. Kids would make fun of my eyebrows when I was younger, my skinniness (yes that hurts as much as being overweight), and my being poor. So I guess I overcompensated and plucked my brows, married rich and gained weight. NOW I am divorcing; so back to being poor and I have decided that its ok to lose some weight. Seems as if I could never make anyone happy. As I gained weight I would be told by my mom and aunt in no uncertain terms that I was and that I needed to lose it so I could be that ‘beautiful’ Lisa again but my mind was like, “How can that be if everyone else says that I am too skinny and look like an Ethiopian??” and by then I was already so confused that I stopped listening to anyone. I go against what everyone says on purpose just to stop thinking. My sister was 10 years younger and always wore makeup and had boobs (when I didnt get blessed with those until my weight came on) even at 13. The guys were all over her from the start; even my friends until they realized that she was so much younger. I couldnt stand that she was one of those girls who every guy who sees her wants her when I wasnt that type even at 23, 5′7″ and 125 pds. Pissed me off that they would look at me and say things like “This is your sister??? What happened to you???” Ok so it hurt more than anything. Everyone wanted to help her with anything that she needed while I was the strong one who didnt need any help. Yeah right!!! So I would just keep doing what I was doing and push it away.

This other person’s post who asked us to see the lies we believe got me to think about all of this since it is still going on even today (so almost 20 years of this crap) and you know what?? It IS a lie and I am done believing it. I have aged very well and at 40 my skin looks awesome. I will learn to enhance that with makeup. I have an ok face that might be better with some girly makeup tricks. My boobs are nice with this weight and since I didnt want to lose them I might have held myself back, so I will tell myself that there are pushup bras now They arent in bad shape either compared to some I know and this is after two kids. I only have stretchmarks on my butt and so I am lucky enough to be able to show my stomach off when I lose these 50-60 pounds. I had really nice cheekbones before I gained weight so maybe they will come back with the thinning of my face. I have awesome legs IMHO, but cant show them off cuz shorts dont look good with my fat tummy, but I can when I lose that tummy! Again (from my last post), I can sit on the beach alongside most girls, even teens, and not look 40 if I lose this weight so I am guessing that this is the picture I will hold onto in my head. I have a man who loves me and I know he truly means it when he says he thinks I am beautiful as does my daughter.

In summary, I WAS beautiful, I AM beautiful and I WILL be even more beautiful so they all can kiss my lily white butt! I will do what I want to do for a change and that is to feel healthy and strong and lose this stomach but I will do it for ME and only for ME.