LDGillis

Ok so I have gotten some feedback that I have motivated a few on here and I think that is really frackin awesome but now I need some. I am sooooo close to my goal and yet my tummy is still big and I dont know why. How can I feel so proud of my 52 pound loss but still not like myself in the mirror? How can this damn stomach take away the joy that I feel at working so hard and achieving my goal (ok alomst lol)?!  I really really really want someone to email me at cheerokeegirl@yahoo every few days and make sure that I have done some yoga or crunches or something PLEASE. My web access is limited and so I can only check in here when I can get access but I can check emails from my cell.  I am really down right now and this tummy thing isnt helping. I cant find a job, have no car, no water and electric will be turned off this week. Ex hubby pays for cell thank goodness and I live in Fl so I collect the rain water and I have candles but it still brings me down! I have sold just about everything I have worth of value just to keep from being foreclosed on this month and have no idea of what I am gonna do for Julys payment if a job doesnt come through. PLUS I am still in love with my ex and cant get him the hell outta my mind even though I truly want to! I have all of this on my mind for the last two months and am pretty much wore the hell down so someone please email me to keep me on track. It may help some

has been met and exceeded I hit the 147 mark and my last mini goal was 149!! 52 pounds gone and I am so proud of myself. I have only 8 more to go before I hit my main goal but I figure that heck I might as well go for 135 so I will try to hit 12 more pounds. 10 months this has taken me when I was hoping for 6 but I really dont care. If it takes me exactly one year I will do it! It feels so good when my pants are falling off I cant wait to hit 135 and get new clothes that I know I will stay in…so far I only get new ones from hand me downs and a few that I bought when no one had any in the size I was in. I have gone from a size 20 to a 7 (and even some 5s lol) which means that I have gone down 7 sizes. That also means that I really dont have many clothes and weirdly enough that is fine by me. This is from a woman who had walk in closet; that you could have made a small baby nursery; filled with clothes!! So not only have I gotten healthier, look better, and feel better but I learned to let things go (old clothes) and not buy things just to buy. This has been a great journey. I have learned some self respect as well as learned that I do deserve to feel good! As do all of you so please stay with it and if you stop for awhile as I did, GO BACK TO IT! You are never behind when you start all over again since its a fresh start! Dont look at it like you lost 12 pounds and then gained 5 back so you are behind…look at it as you lost 7 punds and start from there.

I have hit my 6th mini goal (155) and I am thrilled!!! My next is 149 and I know I can do it. Just looking back at my weight tracker history is motivation for me. I would have never thought that I actually make it here which is why I made so many mini goals, but with each one achieved I felt so proud and just wanted more! I am so proud of myself and I truly hope that each one of you guys feel the same pride in yourselves when you hit your goal!!!! We should all be proud just for being who we are. Good luck to each of us and blessed be ya’ll!

Even though I maintained my 40 pd loss, I am not happy that I let 2 months go by and didnt walk, started drinking less water and really didnt care. I got too complacent and now I am not anymore. Prolly cuz beach weather is here lol!! Doesnt matter why, as long as I stay with it this time. I still have 20-30 pounds to go and I still have a flat stomach to get somehow. The stomach thing is bother me but I will figure it out I always do. SO this week I have started adding water again, went out and celebrated Bike Week Sat night (I live in Daytona Beach Fl baby!!!) by dancing for over two hours, did 30 mins worth of crunches the day before that and yesterday walked the beach for over 1 1/2! Nice start back I would say. Crunches tonight if I can lol…sunburned so it may not happen but I can do them tomorrow. Wed will be walking, Thurs crunches, Fri walking and Sat dancing. I am hoping that one of you wonderful ppl will be my buddy and keep me on task PLEASE. I want that bathing suit body that I hoped I would have by my bday on the 31st and wont now

Exercise Log

I have lost 32 pounds in four months. I was upset because somewhere at the 30 pd mark, about one month ago, I stopped losing. I didnt know what was wrong. I went out and got me a pair of new jeans to cheer me up since I knew that I had gone down a size. It turned out to be 2 sizes. I was pretty happy with that but still no more weight loss! I stopped walking for about a week due to my lil girl being sick and when I started back found I has lost 1 more pd and was like oh good, its starting again. Last night, when I visited my step sister, she was like you know are probably a size 10 now and I told her she was on crack lol. I was a 20 when I started and 10 sounded like maybe something I would be in March or so with the weight coming off slowly now. She bet me so I tried on her jeans and sure enough they fit as well as her 9’s. I have lost 5 sizes and they fit me sooooooooooooo perfectly :):) She even gave me 4 pair so I dont have to go buy any!! I am so excited I cannot even begin to write about it!! When I weighed this morning I had even lost one more pd to make the 32 in total. FIVE sizes….I am, yeah me, in a size  9 (NINE)…so go me!!!!!!!

Exercise Log

My bf left me and so I am used my confusion to motivate me to walk….cant think with my dd always talking so walking is where I think. Then it was to come up with devious ways to bring him back. Then it was because I realized that hey I was losing weight and I was walking faster and farther than I have ever done in my life. This week he called me pathetic, so its my anger pushing me forward. I was always told that people trying to lose weight had to do it for theirselves and no other reason but I dont believe that anymore. I started cuz my doc scared the Hades outta me, kept at it cuz I hve no car and needed to walk to the store, stayed with it for the above reasons and it really doesnt matter as long as it gets the job done I say! So if you cant do it for yourself, then think of other reasons to do it and just go for it.

Sad, angry, frustrated, thrilled and motivated. I was sad that I had to buy bigger sizes and angry that I gotten to that point. When I couldnt even get into those after some time I didnt allow myself to feel anything. Now I am thrilled because I can fit into back into those same jeans that made me feel sad and frustrated. I am motivated to keep losing so that I can give these jeans away (although they are quite cute lol) and get some new ones. Although I wont be getting many since I dont plan to stay in those either but to lose even more and get yet another smaller size

Now if my chart is gonna show me having alcohol today then I guess I have to huh? I am not gonna get blamed for this when I didnt get to actually enjoy it, so I guess I am off to have a drink….THANKS Buddyslim :):):)

 On a side note, about two weeks in I think and I am at 198…only one pound diff :(:( My working out and eating more doesnt seem to be working anymore already!!!

Had a rough weekend but got back into groove today. Ate only twice but thats one more than normal. I was doing really well with eating more each day and I even started to feel hungry! My body seems to be recognizing that it is getting some food as I am starting to get some regular bowel movements each day. This was always a big problem but I didnt know that going days without those wasnt normal lol!

I am drinking more water which in turn means less Pepsis and I am moving more. I didnt ealk or do my crunches all weekend but I did them again tonight so I am back on track My scale has not shown me 199 since I started all of this which is good. I yo yo every day but I know that this is normal and as long I am lose something I am ok with that. I lost 3 pds at one point so I was hyped and I will hold on to that! My mini goal is 189 because it gets me out of the 190s and I figure that thats a good thing and a small but easy motivator. So I only have (at this moment, ck with me tomorrow and it will be diff I know lol) 8 pounds to go :) 

I was thinking more on why I gained weight. Sooooo many things to think about but I want to get to the CORE issues. Is it likely or at least possible that I gained weight to keep from being attractive? I was moleseted as a 5 year old by my cousin. That may have passed by without issue but my mom just told me to wear shorts to bed so I felt like it was my fault and I felt unprotected. As a 10 and 13 year old, I was pinned to walls and felt up by two other and older cousins. I still get the creeps when I see one of them…the other is in prison for rape (go figure) and so I am lucky there. My dad used to make me go work with a man that leered at me and let it be known that he wanted me when I was 15. Dad didnt care as long as I brought home some money or at least that is how it seemed to me. He set me up on a date with a friend of his son and thank the gods that my cousin was there because this guy was trying to rape me in the backseat when my cousin pulled him off of me. My dad didnt care…he was his FRIENDS son so he did nothing. If a man was around I would be brought out and made a big deal of, sorta like a prize horse or something, by both of my parents (they were divorced so this was in both of my so called homes) and each of them would try to get me to go out with the guy whether I wanted to or not. I left all of this at 16 and moved in with my first real LOVE who I ended up marrying. While with him I had a stalker that apparently saw me once at a local store. I didnt remeber him other than my hubby introduced me and I walked off, but he started calling me and telling me what days I had off, what I was wearing and how I WOULD be with him. Another guy (my boss) grabbed my boobs and I just froze. My husband was also a jerk. He would hurt me whenever a man would ‘look’ at me.  I was told I had to look away whenever a man was around. He would see me around one of his friends and whistle for me to come over to him. He drug me by my hair off dance floors and out of houses when he would get jealous. I could not wear makep up or sexy clothes although he liked that on other women and let me know. I did leave him for my next knight in shining armor but this one weighed 400 pds at that time (he ended up at 675 when I left him) and so he wanted to keep me to himself and I ended up losing what few friends I had. He never minded that I started putting weight on and I am pretty sure now that I just felt like it wasnt worth being pretty anymore. And so here I am at this site telling complete strangers my personal stuff trying to figure out how I got here in the first place.

Food Log